Roberto Devlin is here to save our pasta future.

Roberto Devlin: 4-Star Pasta Chef From The Future

Ethical Stance: Hero

Skills and Abilities:  Due to genetic modifications provided to all 4 Star Chefs who work for McSbarros to enhance their ability to chop tomatoes and garlic, Roberto Devlin has superior dexterity, reflexes, and knife wielding skills. Having been born and raised on the higher gravity New Earth, he has four times the strength of an Olympic class weightlifter. He is also the greatest pasta chef of his generation, making him 1000 times better than that guy who says, “Bam!”  He can also produce spices using the power of his mind. Roberto is an above average athlete and an excellent hand-to-hand combatant, because the future is just like today’s TV, where chefs are always fighting with each other over the tastes of their sauces. Roberto is also an excellent flying pasta cart driver, and a superb leader and strategist.

Weaknesses: Bullets, most other things that kill people, overboiling.

Origin: Roberto Devlin was born in 2473 on New Earth (which is what we call the first extra-solar space colony, because humans are pretty much jerks, and that’s what we name things when we colonize them no matter what the native name is). From an early age, Roberto showed aptitude for criminal strategic planning and artistic pasta work. Thankfully for humanity, he choose pasta.

As the 26^th century approached, thanks to the discovery of vast starch mines on New New Earth Jr., future pasta (chemically the same as our pasta, but made without flour or eggs) became the only food consumed by residents of the Republic of SpaceEarthpire, and McSbarro’s became the #1 restaurant in the galaxy.  Contrary to popular belief, aluminum foil is extinct in the future. People do not wear it as clothing. This became an especially disastrous development as aluminum foil is the perfect substance to put left-over pasta in, plus it’s shiny. Future scientists were unable to recreate aluminum foil in their space labs, so they instead focused their efforts toward time-travel. This turned out to be pretty easy.

The future scientists determined that the 21^st century was when the tide turned in the battle against not having aluminum foil, due to the wasteful policies of today’s pasta chefs, little kids who pretend to be super-heroes, and not McSbarro or McSbarro predecessors (plus one mysterious reason they couldn’t figure out). Having isolated the period, a savior was chosen, and it was Roberto Devlin, the century’s greatest pasta chef.

Roberto was transported to the 21^st century and bought some aluminum foil at a Piggly Wiggly, then dropped it off back in the future, completing his mission. However, Roberto decided that he should come back to our time to educate and warn us of our foil-follies, and possibly discover the other mysterious reason for its disappearance. Also, they don’t have money in the future, and the chefs of the 21^st century get paid a lot of money (plus chicks dig them)…and crime-fighting.

Associations and Relations: Roberto Devlin is the direct descendent of a man he only knew as J.K. Livin. He later discovered that this was noted bongo enthusiast, Matthew McConaughey.

Enemies: Rothko-man Deconstructor is Roberto Devlin’s main enemy for reasons to be described in the next entry.