The Amazing Logic Monster Does Not Care...It Cannot Care...It Will Not Care...

Amazing Logic Monster

Ethical Stance: Single-minded Villain

Skills and Abilities: It is a robot, so it can do robot stuff (including calculation, assembly, lifting heavy things, lasers, etc.). It also has complete control over all Subaru vehicles everywhere.

Weaknesses: Love. The statement, “I am a liar. I never tell the truth. This statement is a lie.” Folk Music. Thoughts of Lisa Loeb shut the Amazing Logic Monster’s systems down for at least nine minutes.

Origin: The Amazing Logic Monster was built by Fuji Heavy Industries for the specific purpose of capturing and destroying the Feelings Ninja.

After a meeting of all (but one) of the greatest ninjas in the Nakajima Ninja clan (both living and dead), the ninjas decided that the relatively new invention of the airplane would lead to the end of their stealthy ways. They issued a controversial decree, which unanimously stated that airplane flying was cooler than ninja flying. Having made this decree, they decided to dissolve their ninja activities and start making airplanes. Thus Nakajima Aircraft Company was born in 1917. Nine spirits and nine former master ninjas ran the company, and this committee made all decisions about the company.

For years, the Feelings Ninja didn’t involve himself in the business of the Nakajima clan (because he was too sad) and the clan did not bother with him (because they could not come to a consensus on what to do with him). However, when Nakajima Aircraft Company was dissolved and split up by the allies after the war, a new company was born, secretly run by the spirit form of an old ninja who had led the push to convert the clan to making airplanes.  

The spirit ninja formed Fuji Heavy Industries with the purpose of building affordable, dependable cars perfectly suited to alternative lifestyles, and killing all ninjas. Thus the Subaru was born. The spirit ninja made sure that every machine built by his company would be equipped with a special sensor that detects ninjas and destroys them with the throwing stars on their emblem.

The plan worked, and the last ninja was killed (or so they thought) as a passing Forrester on it’s way to an Indigo Girls concert in Charlotte, NC spotted and ended a down-on-his-luck ninja who was selling samurai swords and confederate flag throws in an abandoned gas station near Wadesboro, NC. Unaware of the awakened Feelings Ninja, a spell was cast that disabled the killing function in all Fuji’s vehicles.

When the spirit master of Fuji Heavy Industries learned of this awaking, he directed his engineers to build The Amazing Logic Monster to kill this last, annoyingly emo ninja...or at least talk some sense into him.

The Amazing Logic Monster first tracked down the Feelings Ninja at a Lilith Fair concert in 1998. Logically, it believed it had an incredible advantage, with a small army of Subaru vehicles at its command. The Feelings Ninja was almost in its grasp...until the music started. When Heather Nova started her set, the Amazing Logic Monster froze, and began a futile calculation to determine how the sounds being vibrated into its antennae could logically exist (he had not been programed to understand that art defies logic). The Feelings Ninja escaped, and the Amazing Logic Monster might have stayed in that spot forever if it weren’t for a fortuitous scrunci, projected at the reset button on the back of ALM's "neck" by a concertgoer engulfed in the throes of passion.

The Amazing Logic Monster now travels the globe, attempting to track down the Feelings Ninja, and avoid the highly illogical sounds of folk.

Associations and Relations: The dead ninja who runs Fuji Heavy Industries. All Subarus…everywhere.

Enemies: Feelings Ninja. All others are inconsequential.