Liberalcrow's Doodleverse

Welcome to the Doodleverse. Every week (or so) this site will be updated with new characters representing the duality of life. Post general comments, stories, or recipes for chicken marsala. You can also post modernism, apocalypse, Markie Post, or General Mills. All other postings will be denied! Or not!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Frost Nixon 
Often a Villain. Always a Bad Tipper.

Frost Nixon 

Ethical Stance: Anti-villain

Skills and Abilities: Tall for a lady. Can manifest and project heads of Richard M. Nixon that are covered in ice and frost. Like a snowflake, each Nixon head is different in its shape and beauty. Frost can project the heads at over 100 miles per hour. Some Nixon heads can redact memories on contact. Frost Nixon is also skilled at combat and has a high level of proficiency in kickboxing.

Weaknesses: Frost Nixon is rendered immobile with passion by diatribes against the following: regulation, hippies, and Spiro Agnew. She is also deathly afraid of Communists, the Liberal Media, folk music, and the disembodied corpse of Alger Hiss. When exposed to checkers or checkerboards, she temporarily loses her powers.

Origin: Frost Nixon grew up as a normal young orphan girl living in Yorba Linda, California. While playing hide-and-seek with her childhood friend (future major league baseball player Lance Parish), she happened upon an old canister of Quaker Oats hiding behind a rock. Finding it strange and alluring, she abandoned her friend and brought the canister home with her. In the safety of her room she drew her drapes, stuffed a towel under her door, and checked her walls for wire-taps (she was already beginning to be affected by the dark powers inside the canister). When she was sure there were no nosey reporters peeking in on her secrets, she opened the canister. Inside she found what looked like a frosted white crystal. This, of course, was the icy soul of Richard Millhouse Nixon, which he had removed and hid in his hometown before beginning the HUAC hearings.  The crystal immediately absorbed into her skin, and she gained her powers. At first she found it impossible to control her new-found abilities, so she traveled to undead sorceress and noted skeleton, Ann Coulter, who helped Frost harness her newfound powers by training her in the dark arts of demagogy, bulimia, anti-Darwinist social-Darwinism, and kickboxing.

Ann Coulter later revealed that Frost was the illegitimate love-child of Richard Nixon and Linda Lovelace, whom he had a torrid affair with after his abdication of the Presidency because he loved irony. This is why Frost was able to absorb R.M. Nixon’s icy soul.  Coulter had long known about the hidden crystal, but had never been able to generate enough evil to absorb it into her own sinewy flesh. Her many depravities proving useless in her efforts, she determined that only someone with the blood of the dark master could absorb his soul.

After several years as a criminal understudy of the bony she-witch, Coulter, Frost met and fell in love (as much as she could feel it) with Charles Bronson: Snow Avenger. She fell hard for his rugged individualism, and for a brief time gave up her evil ways, but soon became dissatisfied with his warm, caring heart. This coupled with her uncontrollable promiscuity (inherited from her mother), led to their messy divorce. They have been sworn enemies since the dissolution of their marriage.

Associations and Relations: Frost Nixon is the illegitimate daughter of Richard Nixon and Linda Lovelace. She was a childhood friend of Lance Parish. She is not related to Otis Nixon, but is a fan. Ann Coulter, undead sorceress, is her mentor and confidant. She is a reserve member in the Kissinger Corps. She has served as a partner on several heists with G. Gordon Deathbot of the Year 2092. 

She has also been employed by Rush Limbaugh as the head of a group of nere-do-wells (including Sans Serif and Ice Cube Arms) in a complicated scheme to steal high-powered opiates from Guatemala to bring to his underground bunker in the hills of Virginia. This plot was foiled by Charles Bronson: Snow Avenger, Jessica Mutual-Fund, and the Feelings Ninja when they defeated the trio with an a capella version of Turn, Turn, Turn (Feeling Ninja’s guitar being damaged in the penultimate battle). This was her only adventure with Sans Serif, as she could not stand the French accent, but Frost has continued her partnership with Ice Cube Arms until this day.

Enemies: Charles Bronson: Snow Avenger is Frost Nixon’s main enemy. She has also pitted her wits against Jessica Mutual-Fund and the Science Tigers. Her encounters with the Mysterious Myster are ambiguous and often shadowy.