Rothko-Man Deconstructer's eyes make your things color

Rothko-Man Deconstructer

Ethical Stance: Villain

Skills and Abilities: Rothko-Man is a level 9 genius and polymath, and has a recorded IQ of 387. Due to an accident involving a secret experimental beverage developed by Seagram’s and Sons, Rothko-man developed the ability to take any object and reduce it to blocks of color with his eyes. Depending on the size of the object, this can be extremely draining for Rothko-man. When he traveled back in time to render the Alexander Nevsky Cathedral in Warsaw into an orange square on a blue background after stealing its copper, he was left in a coma for 3 days. Rothko-man is seemingly ageless; as his appearance and vigor has not changed since the accident in 1958. He is also a moderately skilled athlete and an above average hand-to-hand combatant. 

Weaknesses: Rothko-man is vulnerable to all things that would harm a normal human. In addition, aluminum foil renders him powerless.

Origin: Rothko-man Deconstructer, born Marcus Rothkowitz in 1903, was a Latvian-born American painter and printmaker before taking up a career as a secret super-villain in 1958. Tiring of the strain of wearing aging make-up and fat suits required to maintain his public persona, while pursuing his ambitions for world domination and the elimination of the world’s supply of aluminum foil at night, he faked his own death in 1970, hiding and spinning his webs of deceit in the underground chamber under the Rothko Chapel.

In 1958 Rothko received the commission for a series of paintings for the Park Avenue Seagram’s and Sons building. During a tour of the building, Rothko became bored and tried to sneak out for a smoke. Opening a door he thought led outside, Rothko accidently walked into a secret lab where the Seagram scientists were developing an early version of the Golden Wine Cooler, using uranium to accelerate the carbonation. The experimental and unstable drink exploded in his face, and the changes were immediate. The first signs were Rothko's continuous and deepening obsession with the writings of Nietzsche.

While working on the paintings for the Seagram’s commission, Rothko was at first frustrated, because he had decided that he wanted to create something that would disgust his hosts, but he could not think of what to paint. Rothko-man looked to the streets, and there he found his inspiration. He invited a homeless man into his studio and began thinking about how to depict him.  The deep concentration turned on a switch in his mind, and soon a flash of light shot out of his eyes. When he looked again, there were a couple of brown and red shapes on the canvas in front of him, and the homeless man was gone…as was the poor, sweet man that was once known as Marcus Rothkowitz.

Rothko-Man discovered that aluminum foil nullified his powers when he tried to ruin a Daughters of the American Revolution pot luck. Embarrassed, but filled with purpose, he hatched his plan to destroy the earth’s supply of aluminum foil...mostly by general criminal scheming, but also through a series of pasta-related restaurant chains (e.g., Buca di Beppo) he started using shadow corporations fronted by former disciples. Rothko also maintains a small supply foil in his lair, because he’s smart and he knows when he succeeds it will be more valuable than gold. When Roberto Devlin discovered the horrible truth of Rothko-Man's plot, he dedicated his heroic life to stopping this villain.

Associations and Relations: Rothko-Man Deconstructer was once part of a mysterious group know only as "the Ten." According to most sources, he ended his association with them in the mid-70s, because he said they liked the Beatles too much. He has made several attempts to train a protege by trying to recreate the Seagram's Golden Wine Cooler that gave him his powers. This is how Bruce Willis lost his hair (to this date Bruce Willis has not exhibited any powers resulting from these experiments) and how Simon Schama gained his confidence.

Enemies: Rothko-Man Deconstructer and Roberto Devlin: 5 Star Pasta Chef From The Future are locked in an epic battle over the world’s supply of aluminum foil.

Roberto Devlin is here to save our pasta future.

Roberto Devlin: 4-Star Pasta Chef From The Future

Ethical Stance: Hero

Skills and Abilities:  Due to genetic modifications provided to all 4 Star Chefs who work for McSbarros to enhance their ability to chop tomatoes and garlic, Roberto Devlin has superior dexterity, reflexes, and knife wielding skills. Having been born and raised on the higher gravity New Earth, he has four times the strength of an Olympic class weightlifter. He is also the greatest pasta chef of his generation, making him 1000 times better than that guy who says, “Bam!”  He can also produce spices using the power of his mind. Roberto is an above average athlete and an excellent hand-to-hand combatant, because the future is just like today’s TV, where chefs are always fighting with each other over the tastes of their sauces. Roberto is also an excellent flying pasta cart driver, and a superb leader and strategist.

Weaknesses: Bullets, most other things that kill people, overboiling.

Origin: Roberto Devlin was born in 2473 on New Earth (which is what we call the first extra-solar space colony, because humans are pretty much jerks, and that’s what we name things when we colonize them no matter what the native name is). From an early age, Roberto showed aptitude for criminal strategic planning and artistic pasta work. Thankfully for humanity, he choose pasta.

As the 26^th century approached, thanks to the discovery of vast starch mines on New New Earth Jr., future pasta (chemically the same as our pasta, but made without flour or eggs) became the only food consumed by residents of the Republic of SpaceEarthpire, and McSbarro’s became the #1 restaurant in the galaxy.  Contrary to popular belief, aluminum foil is extinct in the future. People do not wear it as clothing. This became an especially disastrous development as aluminum foil is the perfect substance to put left-over pasta in, plus it’s shiny. Future scientists were unable to recreate aluminum foil in their space labs, so they instead focused their efforts toward time-travel. This turned out to be pretty easy.

The future scientists determined that the 21^st century was when the tide turned in the battle against not having aluminum foil, due to the wasteful policies of today’s pasta chefs, little kids who pretend to be super-heroes, and not McSbarro or McSbarro predecessors (plus one mysterious reason they couldn’t figure out). Having isolated the period, a savior was chosen, and it was Roberto Devlin, the century’s greatest pasta chef.

Roberto was transported to the 21^st century and bought some aluminum foil at a Piggly Wiggly, then dropped it off back in the future, completing his mission. However, Roberto decided that he should come back to our time to educate and warn us of our foil-follies, and possibly discover the other mysterious reason for its disappearance. Also, they don’t have money in the future, and the chefs of the 21^st century get paid a lot of money (plus chicks dig them)…and crime-fighting.

Associations and Relations: Roberto Devlin is the direct descendent of a man he only knew as J.K. Livin. He later discovered that this was noted bongo enthusiast, Matthew McConaughey.

Enemies: Rothko-man Deconstructor is Roberto Devlin’s main enemy for reasons to be described in the next entry.