The Creature From the Emo Lagoon's heart is breaking right now, because he can do all of this awesome stuff... except allow his one true love to make the sacrifice of living in a lagoon.

The Creature From the Emo Lagoon

Ethical Stance: Detached and protective of what he loves, but can never really have.

Skills and Abilities: The Creature from the Emo Lagoon possesses 10 times the strength of a normal adult human male, excellent agility, the ability to breath and live underwater, night vision, razor sharp claws, and the skill to swim faster than a speeding harpoon.

Weaknesses: Lip biting girls.

Origin: Gill Lawrence moved from Brazil because his mom, a scientist and a single mother, got a job at Roche Diagnostics. His mom immediately enrolled him in Carmel High School, because learning is FUNdamental. While in physics class, he was seated next to Redonda Brainard. At first glance he caught her eye (mostly because he was the only student in the class who was an Universal Movie Monster), and she immediately began biting her lip. Gill, not having lips of his own, found this intriguing, and could not get the thought of this dark-haired girl with the longing stares out of his mind.

As the semester progressed, looks turned to casual greetings, and small hellos blossomed into long conversations about Grey's Anatomy and kelp. One day, Gill worked up the courage to invite Redonda to his cavern beneath the manicured lagoons of Carmel's Monon Park. While walking on one of the park's trails, a pointy bike helmet flew off the head of one of Carmel's many 40 year old, slightly out of shape, spandexed recumbent bikers and headed right for Redonda's face. Gill, who had stopped to pick a flower along the trail, saw what was about to happen, leapt 20 feet in the air, and swatted the helmet away, while tackling Redonda to the ground. She leaned in to kiss him, but he pushed her away and ran to his cave.

That night Redonda came home gushing to her father about the mysterious new student who had set her lips aflame, without ever touching them. Of course, he was only concerned about the general roundness of the boy, if he had an "O" anywhere in his name, and what he thought about roundabouts in general. He also suggested that the reason her lips were enflamed might have something to do with all the biting.

What he didn't know was that this boy was connected to the fossil that had been found in the park…the very same fossil that could convince his largely Republican constituency that evolution and science were things that actually existed. If that happened, the town could begin to think rationally, vote him out, and (most importantly) stop progress on his final roundabout.

The next day at school, Gill tried to ignore Redonda, but she persisted. In a confrontation outside the cafeteria, Redonda screamed, "Why won't you love me?"

Gill could only respond with a single tear from his obsidian eyes and the pained words, "Because I'm different. And also, I can only reproduce by shedding gametes in the water around me!"

But, as Gill was about to give in to his merman desires and take Redonda in his arms, a gunshot broke their unborn embrace. Swiftly moving his swollen-lipped beauty from harm's way, Gill pursued the assassin. All he could find was a small piece of torn, forest-green pant. When he showed it to Redonda, she recognized it immediately. Before her was a piece of the very same pants she saw her father's dinner guest wear the night before.

Gill pressed her for the name. When she gasped, "Dr. David Reed. My father brought him in to track down some sciency thing they found in the park a couple of days ago," The Creature From the Emo Lagoon knew that he had to get her to safety. Dr. Reed was his mother's former lover, but she had abandoned him for his father. Dr. Reed was also one of the men who killed his father.

With rage and fear in his heart, The Creature From the Emo Lagoon tracked Dr. Reed across the cul-de-sacs and Protestant churches of Carmel's mean streets. His final steps led to the very La Quinta Inn where Gill had hid his mother and Redonda. Having deduced Dr. Reed's trap, Gill rented the adjoining room, punched through the paper-thin walls, and dragged Dr. Reed through. Then he ate him.

After defeating his foe, he returned to the frightened and weeping ladies in the next room and consoled them. The demise of Dr. Reed became a double scandal for Mayor Brainard, as news got out that his daughter had been checked into a hotel room that had a hole punched through it. The rumors of his daughter's "rockstar lifestyle" (though not true) were damaging. Even worse was the revelation that Mayor Brainard had used tax-payer money to pay for Dr. Reed's assassination expedition. As everyone knows, any time you use tax-payer money to do anything in Indiana, it's bad and often leads to political radioactivity.

Associations and Relations: The Creature From the Emo Lagoon loves two women. His mother, and Redonda Brainard. All others are irrelevant. Also, sometimes he hangs out with draculas, mummies, and wolfmen.

Enemies: The Creature From the Emo Lagoon counts the late and delicious Dr. David Reed, and The Mayor of Crazytown as his major adversaries.

Blogger Buzz: Blogger integrates with Amazon Associates

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The Mayor of Crazytown will only deal with roundabout related matters... thank you very much.

The Mayor of Crazytown

Ethical Stance: Insane Despot

Skills and Abilities: The Mayor of Crazytown was an extremely talented and charismatic politician before he descended into complete madness. He used this skill to rise to the Mayoral office of Carmel, Indiana. These skills have eroded as he has spiraled into the swirling drain of insanity, but he has managed to maintain his power by his nearly superhuman ability to speak in circles, and by preying on the simple fact that most rich people are stupid.

Weaknesses: Straight roads. Logic.

Origin: Jim Brainard was always a strange child, obsessed with circles. At the age of 5 he wrote a letter to Santa asking for, “a hula hoop, a Frisbee, a bunt cake pan, and a mathematical or navigational compass.” As a young eagle scout, he was shunned by his compatriots for constantly singing the song, Red Rubber Ball, by his favorite band, The Cyrkle. Despite these minor quirks, he was, for the most part, functional.

He managed to graduate with a law degree from Northern Ohio University (he chose to go to law school in Ohio because it's the only state that begins and ends with a circular letter), and settled in Carmel, Indiana. As a young lawyer, he became frustrated by how straight all the roads in Carmel were, and he found it impossible to move around the city. Eventually, he could take no more, and in 1995 he ran a self-funded campaign to become Mayor of Carmel. It was shortly after his election that his break with reality began. Brainard knew he wanted to change Carmel, but the demands of the campaign had not given him time to flesh out a specific plan. So, on his first day as Mayor, he made his aides lock him in his office for 88 hours, with explicit instructions not to disturb him, or let him out. During those fateful hours, his mind broke, and he came up with his diabolical plan to make a new, “perfect” Carmel. When the doors were finally unlocked he emerged, with a 888 page plan on round paper, desperately gasping, “It’s all going to be round.”

His first official act as mayor was to change all of the city’s vehicles to VW Beetles, but this was just a small fragment of his, long overarching plan to put a roundabout in every intersection. Soon, ground broke on the first roundabout, and Carmel started its journey toward becoming the roundaboutest city in America.

As the Mayor of Crazytown’s enemies grew, so did his ambition and ability to destroy them. When a reporter asked him if it made sense to put thousands of roundabouts in a northern city that often has slick streets in the winter, the mayor answered by laughing for 88 minutes straight. The next day, the proscriptions began. Soon like Sulla and Caesar before him, The Mayor of Crazytown had consolidated his power with his friends and smashed his car into the busses of his enemies.

As he entered into his unprecedented fourth term as the mayor of Carmel, a young rebel appeared in his city, a rebel that would threaten everything he held dear (in other words, circles).

While digging up the land for the Monon park, one of the workers found a found a fossil that, upon further investigation, seemed to link humans evolutionarily to fish. When the Mayor got wind of this development, he invited the worker and the scientist he contacted about the fossil to his private circular retreat, to celebrate the discovery.

The mayor knew that this information would be dangerous, because it might stop further construction projects in the city, or convince his largely Republican constituency that evolution and science were things that actually existed. This could not be. The two guests were never seen again.

What the Mayor didn’t know was the worker's discovery was not a fossil at all, but the shed skin of a very special creature who had just moved into the area--and who had just enrolled in Carmel High School…Gill Lawrence, The Creature From the Emo Lagoon.

Unfortunately for the mayor, he miscalculated the Creature’s intentions. Gill really only wanted to be left alone, because he knew his love came with a curse, and if he let anyone in (like the sweet-smelling daughter of the mayor) it could only end in disaster. But the mayor feared Gill because he was different. His overreaction to the arrival of Gill led to a conflict that would eventually stop progress on his final roundabout, and tear apart his family.

Associations and Relations: The Mayor of Crazytown has isolated himself and his city from the outside world, so his associations with others outside of Carmel are extremely limited.

The Mayor of Crazytown has one daughter who attends Carmel High School, named Redonda. She is in love with The Creature From the Emo Lagoon.

Enemies: The Mayor of Crazytown’s major adversary is the Creature From the Emo Lagoon, who threatens to destroy all of the round things he holds dear.

Eventually...these will all taste the breath of fictional life.

COMING EVENTS

The Mayor of Crazytown will only deal with roundabout related matters... thank you very much.

The Creature From the Emo Lagoon's heart is breaking right now, because he can do all of this awesome stuff... except allow his one true love to make the sacrifice of living in a lagoon.